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The begining

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1 The begining on Sun Dec 30, 2007 3:37 am

Nobody000

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Shinigami Taisho
Shinigami Taisho
I keep having this weird dreams weird dreams that I'm in a far away land.
Some one told me once that some dreams come reality, can this dream become one? If it did what will happen to me? Will I desapear? I'm I still going to be myself or someone else guess I will have to wait until then... what... whats happening everything is turning into darkness! I will keep walking until I see something, what? A path just opened let's see where it takes me to, I keep walking and nothing, what is this AAAAAAAAA.....WOW three more paths just opened, but they all look the same which one should I take???
"what is that?"
"your world has been tied connected to darkness"
"what who's there?"
"that's of no importance now"
"where am I?"
"you are in a place of eternal darkness"
"what are you talking about?"
"only those with power to control it can escape, like me I'm offering you my power so that you can escape from here then I shall teach you how to use it and no warriors nor knight or even the strongest of sages will be able to harm you"
"what will happen to me if I say that I want that power?"
"nothing that will harm you *evil laugh"
"how can I trust you if I can't even see you"
"if you want to stay here"
"if I accept your power I need to know what will happen to me?"
"there is something that will happen, you will be far away from those who you care the most"
"WHAT your saying I won't see Sasame or Rouko again"
"yes"
"and what if I stay here what will happen to me?"
"then you will stay in eternal darkness forever with no one but yourself and you won't last long since there is no food nor water here"
"ok I accept the power but can I at least know your name"
"my name is Seikou"
"ok Seikou give me the power so I can get out of here"
"there is one more thing I forgot to tell you when I give you my power we will become as one"
"what do you mean become as one?"
"I will be with you since I promise you to teach you how to use my powers that,s the only way"
"ok give me all you got"
"ok here I go AAAAAHH!"
(NEXT DAY)
"hey wake up"
"yawns* what were are we?"
"I dont know I haven't been here before you know my name now what is yours?"
"my name is kurayami"
"so kurayami heh... where do you think we are?"
"I dont know but it seems like some kind of forest, hey look! A waterfall lets go get some water and something to eat *drinks water* mmmm"
"WOW Kurayami what was that?"
"what Seikou?"
"that in the water get in your guard Kurayami"(giant water dragon apears and roars)
"I still don't know how to use the powers and there is a dragon infront of me what do I do Seikou?"
"hurry raise your hand in the air and say my name"
"SEIKOU" (a blade apears in kurayami hands)
"what...what is this seikou?"
"I'll explain later now do as I say if you want us to get out of here alive"
"ok what do I do?"
"focus in the blade and in the dragon"
"ok whats happening!? What is that darkness that is coming from the dragon into the blade?"
"Kurayami that's the hatred and sorrow that dragon feels and has, it feeds the blade to make it stronger now Kurayami go slice that dragons head off"
"ok (running towards the dragon jumps and cuts the head off) AAAAAAA"
"(head fells in the water and then the body) That was ok for a first time Kurayami"
"that was awesome"
"Kurayami don't get all hyped up because we killed a dragon if I didn't warned you, you may had die"
"hey wait a minute what do you mean we it was me who killed the dragon"
"ohh...sorry about that I didn't tell you I'm the blade"
"what!?"
"let me explain better I'm not a normal blade"
"tell me something I don't know already"
"ok... as I was saying, I am a living blade with powers as you can see but I'm not the only one with powers you also have what is called"


ok people that is my first draft so any mistake I have will be fix after I finish this chapter plz tell me what you people think I'm not saying if you like it or not I'm saying if you think something needs to be fix which I know some of it does but don't say that it needs to be fix and that's it tell me ideas or stuff you want me to use there and I will think of using them in the story thx for reading. Very Happy


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2 Re: The begining on Sun Dec 30, 2007 3:46 am

me like it yay nobody first story there questions i have but i wont say them here i will do it personal.


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3 Re: The begining on Sun Dec 30, 2007 4:42 pm

Selfier

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Wata Leader
Wata Leader
I fixed your grammar error and some sentenses which didn't make sense but I'm still missing some the rest is all right.


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False promises only work for Doctors and  Goverments. The reasom why these lies only work for these two groups is because by the time you are able to realize these are lies, you will probably already be dead.
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4 Re: The begining on Sun Dec 30, 2007 6:18 pm

Shadow008

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Wata Leader
Wata Leader
I can't understand what's going exactly, I would prefer to read this in a third person view format than like this. Is not even separate in paragraphs and I ghot a headache trying to read this. Aside from that this is rip off from Kingdom Hearts, three ways my ass.


_________________
"No creature is born with the sole purpose of dying." "Trust is an easy thing to destroy, but it can take a long time to built."


Half Elf: "What possible value does one burdened to exist with cursed blood have?... Sometimes running away is the one way to save yourself... Humans are so arrogant.

Do you have the dragon balls to do it?

I'm only human. I have the right to change my mind at any given moment without reason.
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5 Re: The begining on Sun Dec 30, 2007 6:29 pm

Clash011

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Mercenary
its good but i read some stuff that sounds like kindom hearts and bleach. 0_o

well i dont even have a story so what am i saying.

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6 Re: The begining on Sun Dec 30, 2007 7:27 pm

Selfier

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Wata Leader
Wata Leader
so yeah, am I the only one who like this?
the only problem I see you guys having is the KH and Bleach ripoff aside from that whatever problem the story has he said he'll fix it...


_________________
False promises only work for Doctors and  Goverments. The reasom why these lies only work for these two groups is because by the time you are able to realize these are lies, you will probably already be dead.
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7 Re: The begining on Sun Dec 30, 2007 10:41 pm

Shadow008

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Wata Leader
Wata Leader
I didn't say I don't like it,is simply that I prefer third person view because it can be explained better. Saying only what the main character says and does doesn't necessarily help when including other people in conversation and stuff.


_________________
"No creature is born with the sole purpose of dying." "Trust is an easy thing to destroy, but it can take a long time to built."


Half Elf: "What possible value does one burdened to exist with cursed blood have?... Sometimes running away is the one way to save yourself... Humans are so arrogant.

Do you have the dragon balls to do it?

I'm only human. I have the right to change my mind at any given moment without reason.
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8 Re: The begining on Mon Dec 31, 2007 12:35 am

Nobody000

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Shinigami Taisho
Shinigami Taisho
ok yes I did take some of kh stuff but I didnt copy anything from bleach this draft was wrote beffore I even knew about bleach and have already said that...buenos escritores se copian de algunas cosas para haser algo nuevo de ellas and I didnt see any ideas or stuff other than that 3rd person view I might do it but im not goin to right now cuz im still thinking what to write now.


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"fight the tears, With pretty smiles....and.....kiss the stars with me"


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9 Re: The begining on Mon Dec 31, 2007 9:01 pm

Selfier

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Wata Leader
Wata Leader
maybe you should explain more of those two friends he is going to never see, why mention them if he is never going to see them oh and by the way why?


_________________
False promises only work for Doctors and  Goverments. The reasom why these lies only work for these two groups is because by the time you are able to realize these are lies, you will probably already be dead.
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10 Re: The begining on Mon Dec 31, 2007 10:46 pm

Shadow008

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Wata Leader
Wata Leader
Also you didn't quite said that he was alone, you made it sound as if someone woke him up, that's part of the reason 3rd person point of view helps better explain what happens.


_________________
"No creature is born with the sole purpose of dying." "Trust is an easy thing to destroy, but it can take a long time to built."


Half Elf: "What possible value does one burdened to exist with cursed blood have?... Sometimes running away is the one way to save yourself... Humans are so arrogant.

Do you have the dragon balls to do it?

I'm only human. I have the right to change my mind at any given moment without reason.
View user profile

11 Re: The begining on Mon Dec 31, 2007 11:17 pm

Nobody000

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Shinigami Taisho
Shinigami Taisho
some one woke him up cuz he is with reikou I mean he is the blade and he told him that his goin to be with him until he knows how tu use his powers but I cant give to much of it away cuz then my story wont have a reason if u people know whats goin to happen....


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"fight the tears, With pretty smiles....and.....kiss the stars with me"


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12 Re: The begining on Mon Dec 31, 2007 11:30 pm

Shadow008

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Wata Leader
Wata Leader
Someone as if someone was there, there wasn't anyone but him and the sword. Don't you know how to talk???


_________________
"No creature is born with the sole purpose of dying." "Trust is an easy thing to destroy, but it can take a long time to built."


Half Elf: "What possible value does one burdened to exist with cursed blood have?... Sometimes running away is the one way to save yourself... Humans are so arrogant.

Do you have the dragon balls to do it?

I'm only human. I have the right to change my mind at any given moment without reason.
View user profile

13 Re: The begining on Wed Jan 02, 2008 1:02 am

Nobody000

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Shinigami Taisho
Shinigami Taisho
ok yesterday I was writhing I think what I would make my second chapter and I think I wrote it as 3rd person view just to improve my story and I think its a little more awesome now cuz if that improvement I will be finishing I think on fryday and will be posthing it here by then also.


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"fight the tears, With pretty smiles....and.....kiss the stars with me"


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