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Un poder misterioso

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1 Un poder misterioso on Mon Jan 07, 2008 12:58 am

Nobody000

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Shinigami Taisho
Shinigami Taisho
Just when seikou is about is about to tell kurayami the name of that mysterious power a woman comes out of the forest across the river screaming for help just when the woman is about to reach the river some kind of monster comes out of the forest and grabs the woman by the head and glared at kurayami and say's in a rough voice.
"well well what do we have here I havenít seen you here before who are you"
Kurayami shocked at how the monster was grabbing the woman by the head say's.
"I donít talk to bastards like you who harm innocent people!"
(while the woman is screaming for her life)
The monster looks at the woman and crushes her head without hesitation then letís go of the body and kicks it to the river. And the crystal clear water turns bright red with the blood of the woman. Suddenly kurayami's eyes turn dark red and glares at the monster. The monster shivers for a second and say's.
"Does eyes donít scares me now is your turn to die"
Then seikou thinks to himself.
"Incredible kurayami can use this kind of power so early"
kurayami reply's to the monster by saying.
"We will see about that"
The monster looks straight to kurayami's eyes and thinks to himself.
"What kind of power is that I have never seen something like it. What...whatís happening everything turned black and white...I feel heavier and everything looks slower"

kurayami starts running towards the monster. The monster see's multiple kurayami's like eco running towards him. Kurayami runs on the water like it was ground itself. Just when kurayami is about to reach the monster at the other side of the river kurayami jumps high in the sky. Kurayami while in the air pulls his right arm back like making strength for a punch. A dark figure forms behind kurayami and its right arm covers kurayami's until they look as one. Just when kurayami is about to land in front of the monster kurayami grabs the monsters head with his right arm and pushes the monster back to the ground. And punches its head with the ground. The monster unable to talk or defend its self dies of the incredibly strong punches kurayami was giving him ones in the ground. kurayami stands and grabs the monsters arm and throws him into the river.


Suddenly kurayamis eyes turn back to normal and the black figure behind him disappears right after defeating the monster. Then kurayami say's in an exciting voice

"This fight was even more awesome than the one with the dragon"

Seikou:"Impressive"

Kurayami:"Yeah I guess that was quiet impressive, but why did u think that monster killed that woman?"

Seikou:"First of all stop calling it monster what you just kill was the weakest level of a cradon they make food out of other creatures weaker than them and that sometimes includes humans or a higher level cradon sanded a group of them to do something"

"We should keep going to see if we find that womanís village and help them"
said kurayami in a desperate voice

Seikou:"We shall not do so foolish thing, if there was a village around here the cradons might already kill every human there by now. Thanks to that cradon now I know where we are, we are in a planet call zero here in zero is the only place the cradon live"

Kurayami:"Ok so where do we go now seikou?"

Seikou:"We shall go were the light never reaches the part of zero were the sun is just a legend. So that there you can train your darkness powers."

Kurayami: Now that you mention my darkness powers what was that dark figure that covered my arm when I was about to kill the cradon?"



Last edited by Nobody000 on Fri Feb 29, 2008 2:46 am; edited 3 times in total


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2 Re: Un poder misterioso on Tue Jan 15, 2008 10:42 pm

Clash011

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Mercenary
awesome

BLOOD!!!

^_^

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3 Re: Un poder misterioso on Tue Jan 15, 2008 11:29 pm

Nobody000

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Shinigami Taisho
Shinigami Taisho
do u like blood that much?


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4 Re: Un poder misterioso on Tue Jan 15, 2008 11:54 pm

Shadow008

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Wata Leader
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Aside from all the grammar issues its well written but it could be much better with some editing. Personally I don't like the killing off of people but its still good... what I don't get if why the main character would care... its not his problem... and why did the "monster" kill that woman? Is unnecessary to answer this stuff but its better if its include as the reader could understand better the situation.


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"No creature is born with the sole purpose of dying." "Trust is an easy thing to destroy, but it can take a long time to built."


Half Elf: "What possible value does one burdened to exist with cursed blood have?... Sometimes running away is the one way to save yourself... Humans are so arrogant.

Do you have the dragon balls to do it?

I'm only human. I have the right to change my mind at any given moment without reason.
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5 Re: Un poder misterioso on Wed Jan 16, 2008 12:01 am

Nobody000

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Shinigami Taisho
Shinigami Taisho
the woman came from a village that was close to the river I was and she was trying to escape cuz her village was under attack by those monsters dont worry I wont call them monster for ever its just a matter of time....


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6 Re: Un poder misterioso on Wed Jan 16, 2008 12:20 am

Shadow008

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Wata Leader
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it makes more sense like that but more questions burst into mind

where is the river? what's its name?
village's name? location?
monsters name (race)? how they look ? what's their reason to attack the village?

if you include the answer in later chapters is fine but it would be better to do so now. I could help if you guidance in that, and the editing.


_________________
"No creature is born with the sole purpose of dying." "Trust is an easy thing to destroy, but it can take a long time to built."


Half Elf: "What possible value does one burdened to exist with cursed blood have?... Sometimes running away is the one way to save yourself... Humans are so arrogant.

Do you have the dragon balls to do it?

I'm only human. I have the right to change my mind at any given moment without reason.
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7 Re: Un poder misterioso on Wed Jan 16, 2008 12:40 am

Well it seems u have people in a area where none is said 2 live.....


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8 Re: Un poder misterioso on Wed Jan 16, 2008 1:30 am

Shadow008

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Wata Leader
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No Reverse, Zero has people living in it just not that many cities or villages or towns ... is somewhat deserted not extint...


_________________
"No creature is born with the sole purpose of dying." "Trust is an easy thing to destroy, but it can take a long time to built."


Half Elf: "What possible value does one burdened to exist with cursed blood have?... Sometimes running away is the one way to save yourself... Humans are so arrogant.

Do you have the dragon balls to do it?

I'm only human. I have the right to change my mind at any given moment without reason.
View user profile

9 Re: Un poder misterioso on Wed Jan 16, 2008 1:58 am

Nobody000

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Shinigami Taisho
Shinigami Taisho
shadow I said is a matter of time so almost all those quetions already have answer I just havent wrote anything yet.


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10 Re: Un poder misterioso on Wed Jan 16, 2008 12:22 pm

Shadow008

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Wata Leader
Wata Leader
I just want you to make some editing before going on... this chapter and the previews one could really use some. But don't worry, its just one guy's opinion...


_________________
"No creature is born with the sole purpose of dying." "Trust is an easy thing to destroy, but it can take a long time to built."


Half Elf: "What possible value does one burdened to exist with cursed blood have?... Sometimes running away is the one way to save yourself... Humans are so arrogant.

Do you have the dragon balls to do it?

I'm only human. I have the right to change my mind at any given moment without reason.
View user profile

11 Re: Un poder misterioso on Thu Jan 17, 2008 1:49 am

Nobody000

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Shinigami Taisho
Shinigami Taisho
if u want to edit some erros on spelling or drama as u say go ahead but dont change anything from the story.


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12 Re: Un poder misterioso on Mon Jan 28, 2008 9:29 pm

Shadow008

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Wata Leader
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Now I feel more into it. You did and inpressive job with the dialouge and you did good explaining the scenary. Now about that grammar...


_________________
"No creature is born with the sole purpose of dying." "Trust is an easy thing to destroy, but it can take a long time to built."


Half Elf: "What possible value does one burdened to exist with cursed blood have?... Sometimes running away is the one way to save yourself... Humans are so arrogant.

Do you have the dragon balls to do it?

I'm only human. I have the right to change my mind at any given moment without reason.
View user profile

13 Re: Un poder misterioso on Tue Jan 29, 2008 11:46 pm

Nobody000

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Shinigami Taisho
Shinigami Taisho
yeah im just goin to write it so if u want to fix it just tell me what and when and then do it.


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"fight the tears, With pretty smiles....and.....kiss the stars with me"


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